It was Britney Spears who taught me that all journal entries should begin “Dear Diary…” and it was a habit I stuck to for a while. But as the password protected hi-tech diary gave way to stolen school exercise books hidden under a mattress, which in turn faded into oblivion behind my digital musings, that habit faded. One habit has always remained the same though, I always had to introduce myself to my non-existent readers. So here goes.
My name is Abigail. I am 24, very short and, as my doctor reluctantly informed me, “clinically obese”. I’m only a few inches taller than when I started my very first handwritten journal but through those inches, my childhood innocence passed through teenaged angst into full blown adult depression and anxiety. It’s been an interesting journey.
Friends of mine have always light-heartedly mocked me for having so many blogs and journals – I’ve made it through several livejournals, tumblrs, blogspots and even wordpresses now. And while it might not be serious mocking, it’s always made me feel under pressure to find a blog and stick to it.
This time I’m removing that pressure.
This time I’m going to have a journal not much different from the ones shoved underneath my mattress, assume that nobody reads it (rather than the hoping of my childhood years) and just carry on, venting and releasing love and pain. And if I delete this – who cares? It’s okay to destroy my writing and start again, it’s okay to not painstakingly commit to screen all my memories, hopes and fears and keep them. What matters is that I live, and keep on living.
So this blog will be my journey my wedding planning, my subsequent marriage, my family highs and lows, my mental highs and lows, with maybe a bit of poetry or prose thrown in the midst. Who cares? As long as I’m living.
Wish me luck.